Wanting to be around me???

So my daughter and I have decided to start having devotions together at 6am every morning. We grab two director chairs, coffee/hot chocolate and a blanket each. I decided that we should maybe start by finding out who Jesus REALLY is. Since we are supposed to be like him, we should probably know who he actually was. The book is John Elderedge's Beautiful Outlaw. We are on Chapter 2: The Missing Essential-His Personality. (yes, I know, Chapter two means we have only done this twice, no judging.) It asks a question "Is Jesus near - or far? Is he close at hand, right here at your elbow or distant and engaged in loftier things?"

       I discuss this with my daughter and I say to her (without thinking of course) "Why would someone put himself in harms way, knowing he would die, for someone he never met and then never want to meet, be involved in or be a part of their lives? I'm not sure I'd die for someone I didn't know, and if I did I must have done it because I loved them and if I loved them wouldn't I want to be around them?" As I said this I started to hear myself and actually understand what I was saying. I know, an odd concept to speak when you have no idea what your about to say or even know what it means but for anyone with ADHD, well, you understand. lol This whole concept brought chills down my being and made my heart ache. I then begin to tell her that God is like the wind, like the air. There are times when you feel the wind strong against you, pushing and pulling you, almost knocking you over. Times when you let it help you get to where you need to go and others where you fight against it not caring that it wants you to go in the opposite direction. Then there are times when you don't feel it at all...but it's there. Air, right there next to you.You can't feel it moving against your skin, but if you look up you see the branches of the trees move just ever so slightly. And I begin to feel it again. the ache in my gut, the warmth in my heart and the chill down my spine. The thought that Jesus, the holy man in all the last supper paintings, in the teaching on the hill paintings and in the reverent pictures of him dying on the cross....that Jesus not only loves me the way religion says but like an "actual person" he wants to just hang out with me. Just to be next to me and do what ever it is I'm going to do. (As I wrote that last sentence just now, the thought occurred to me that he was hanging out with me to do whatever I was going to do and I dragged him to places he may not have wanted to go and because he just wanted to be with me....he went.)

      Wow, I'm so sorry. To think you were standing there the whole time and I didn't even stop to realize.

I have nothing to teach here. No wisdom to give you so you can stop looking for it. This is just the ramblings of my brain realizing and still trying to process that this man, who died before I ever came into existence is still here, right by my side. Going where ever I want to go. Right here at my elbow, simply because he was just wanting to be around me......and you.

The Carpet Under my Feet

Okay, Challenge for today, be aware of the feel of the carpet under my feet.
     
    So as I was getting ready this morning I started to put my socks on and my brain suddenly alerted me that my feet were up against something soft and fuzzy and it squished a little between my toes. I realized that my brain stopped to notice the feel of carpet. Out of no where, there it was, the sensation of carpet that I never notice.
        Then the thought occurred to me, how many times do we say, "I don't know how I got here?" or "I didn't even realize I was going down the wrong path." How easy is it to just pay attention to where we were stepping. I mean REALLY paid attention. So much so that we are noticing what it feels like between our toes. So often these days I'm walking around and not even realizing that I've gone from carpet to tile to concrete because it's my life. Carpet to get the kids hamper, past the tile in the kitchen and hitting the concrete in the garage to get to the washer and dryer. To really be aware of what I'm doing, to be a little kid for a moment and enjoy the carpet between my toes. (I vacuumed it for that purpose right? To enjoy it?!) Would Dorthy have gotten to OZ if she stopped paying attention and walked down the red path?? (side note: where does that lead anyway???)
       Sorry, Focus. My challenge for myself today is to walk barefoot for as long as is socially acceptable. lol Be a kid and really pay attention to the path/ground I'm walking on. How does the carpet feel, the tile and maybe just maybe the grass! Ha!  When was the last time you got little and noticed these things? Come on, Who's with me?!